I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
