Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
