Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize