this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't deserve a penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
