did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
