mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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