is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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