I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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