She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
