hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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