Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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