So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
