I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
