I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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