You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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