i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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