All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
