Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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