How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
