wrigley field is MILF paradise
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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