he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
