guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
