I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The feeling are messing with the penis
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
