i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
