Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
