The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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