i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
