margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
