Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
