They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
