he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
