its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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