Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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