Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
