She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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