I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
