Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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