You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will pee on everything he values.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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