p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
