hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
