Sober January is a disaster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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