So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
