Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Randomize