i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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