i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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