saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
