I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
