just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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