is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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