there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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