dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
