After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
