apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize