At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
