sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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