So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
