the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
