I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize