its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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