I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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