he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
