fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
