Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this is an emotional support booty call
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
